I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
