apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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