The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
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Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
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Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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