halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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