i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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