Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need to calm my uterus...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
