I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
