Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
