he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
