put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I AM VODKA MAN
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
