I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
