so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
