Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
