I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
