great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
