Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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