I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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