That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
