Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
