I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
