If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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