all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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