God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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