she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
