**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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