I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
