An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The uberlube is also flammable
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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