Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
