I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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