oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
