Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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