He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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