Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
