Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
