White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
