So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
