Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
