i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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