Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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