just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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