I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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