My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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