saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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