i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
