Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
