I want to make a zoo with you.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
