Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
