I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
