No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize