it's like iHOP with fire
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
