nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
