It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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