she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
