I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
