I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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