I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
