Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
