***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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