i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
