Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
