i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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