hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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