Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
