party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
