it was like his penis was on wheels.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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