The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
