so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
