He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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