I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
