yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
