I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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