And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
