She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize