I feel like abortions should bother me more
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
