I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
