I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
